by Brad
(Seattle, WA)

I'm 47 years old and about 8 years ago,I wanted a cat like my first pet at age 4: a seal point siamese. So, I went to a few pet stores with hopes that they could hook me up with some breeders. At Petco, of all places, there was Zoomie the blue point, male, about a year old, shelter cat. He wasn't the breed I wanted but there was something that immediately drew me to him. By the end of the day, I made a $150 donation to pet savers because I figured I'd at least be out that for a kitten with no papers.

I renamed him Ned, when I opened the carrier in the spare bedroom and he curled up on my lap, after exploring ever square foot of his new room. A day later we explored the first floor and a week after I let him go solo in the basement.

He was everything I remembered of my first cat, Gretchen, to be: loyal, curious, clingy, affectionate, and extremely smart. He was always discussing his day with me, communicating his need for a faucet to be turned on for a drink until he figured out how to do it himself, or showing me which window he wanted opened for some fresh air. He retrieved a potion of an old sock like a Labrador, and his favorite game was chasing practice golf balls one after the other across our kitchen floor.

I renamed him Bubba after a year because it fit his personality. He became a true friend. I work out of the house and one of his off limit places was my desks. And, not all the time but most, my lap when I'm working in my office. His constant harassment led us to compromise. I put up small table with a small bed where he could see everything I was doing and be "involved" with my process. It was comical to glance over at him following the rules by resisting the temptation to hop on the desk and follow his blue eyes on my hands working a pen, computer mouse, or shuffling papers.

The thing about this bread is their need to please their human. I never had to clap my hands, make loud noises or spray him with water to train him to stay off the kitchen counter or my desks. I simply kept telling him "No" very firmly and place him back on the floor.

My buddy followed me everywhere and then he began to take the lead. In the morning, he knew the first stop, then to the coffee maker followed by his breakfast. He led the way. He seemed to know my habits better than I and if I broke away from where he was leading, he'd either act surprised or pissed off when he was wrong.

On Sunday, he acted a little strange in the early afternoon. He cried out for a minute straight as I was typing away on a report while watching TV in my bedroom. That was odd because I normally had to be in the same room as he attempted his conversation. I called him and he came with a hop up to the foot of the bed. He climbed on my chest, ignoring my lap top which was very unusual and began to kneed away as I petted and stroked his back. I thought he was going to head butt me, as usual, but he stared into my face and eyes. This is when I noticed how dialated his eyes were as he turned and lay at the foot of the bed. I had never seen his eyes like that before. I quickly went on line and found a site that stated the obvious: when a cat is focused, excited, in a hunt. And, the next line took my breath: in pain.

I finished the sentence and Googled Vet Emergency just as Bubba went rigid in a violent seizure that locked all of his muscles rigid. I knew not to touch him in this state and waited for it to end. The thing is, most seizures in animals are like those in humans: there's movement and twitching. He stayed rigid so I gently called his name. He let out a slow, long "meow" as I watched his tail puff up a bit as he loosened from the seizure: fear. He was gone a few seconds latter. I watched his pupil expand further into death. As I petted him and softly called his name noticing how overheated he was from what I imagined were all of his muscles convulsing at once.

He had become my best friend over the six years he owned me. My vet ruled out diabetes, gave epilepsy a slight chance and believes it a genetic defect of his heart or brain because the seizure was so violent yet short. There was nothing wrong with eating or bathroom function of this cat. Up until Sunday, he was healthy.

A couple of things stood out to me about him and his breed: how he attempted to communicate something was wrong prior to this event since most cats tend to hide when sick, how he wanted to be with me rather than hide, and how honored I am that he had that much trust and confidence that he'd be okay as long as he was with me. I only wish I could of come through for him. 6-7 years of life is not enough for such an amazing little dude.

I dug a deep grave late that evening and today I bought some blue flowered perennials with grey foliage and planted them around the marker. I will miss him so much and there was no way I couldn't pay tribute to him. I know that sounds crazy, but he became a constant in my life that spun out of control before he was there. I looked forward to going home from a business trip or a trip to the market. We truly enjoyed our company.

I'm still grieving and don't think I'll get over this experience any time soon. If I get another cat, he'll see the vet two or three times a year. I don't think my heart can take loosing another Bubba so suddenly.

Comments for Bubba

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Jul 08, 2013
I am so sorry...
by: Ravenflight

Bubba sounded like a wonderful cat,one that only comes once in a great while. It is truly a shame when a pet dies or has to be put to sleep. I know from when Superman died (I am from the pet wave forums) Maybe Bubba and Superman are together in heaven, because I believe that they were both angels that left the world to soon. I offer my deepest condolences.

Jul 05, 2013
Re-write the story
by: My2wins

Brad, I had a dog with epilepsy and he would come up to me right before a seizure and just stand there. It took me a while to correlate what was happening. After a while I put her on medication and she had fewer seizures but it didn't stop them. We think she sustained brain damage as a puppy because some kids found her in the street after someone threw her out of a moving vehicle. People are so cruel. We had her for 9 years before she passed away. She had vet visits every three months because of her medication. There was nothing they could do, but we had to monitor her blood levels to know how much medication. With meds her life was extended by 1 or 2 years. She was always tired from the meds, which were seditives, and as a result she was overweight and just rested all day. When she did have a seizure, there was absolutely nothing we could do. The first time it happened we rushed her to animal emergency, and since seizures only last a few minutes, it was finished when we got halfway down the driveway. We took her anyway, and the vet told us it really wasn't necessary. We just needed to let her seize, and over time nature would take its course. Unless we wanted to put her down, all we could so was give her love and enjoy her. So that's what we did.

You took great care with Bubba, and did everything right. Even if you took him to the vet, the outcome may very well have been exactly the same.

I hope you can re-write the story of his life. Instead of feeling regret or remorse, it would be such a joy to know you see it with a new lens. You were blessed by a very special little soul, and you had a deep connection. His life was short, but you took care of him and loved him up to his last breath.

We don't always get the perfect endings to our relationships. But they are all part of our story.

No matter what you do next, I hope you can see what we see: a very loving person who was blessed to have a soul cat for a few short years. Instead of medicating and even being faced with putting him down early, you let him live out his natural life span without the trauma of being probed and prodded and tested.

There are thousands of unwantes kittens born in the US per day, and millions are put to death in shelters just because no one could take them in. You brought this sweet boy in and for the duration of his life, you gave him a home.

In the grand scheme of life, you did everything just fine. And I hope you can see that too.

Kind regards

Jul 05, 2013
Thanks All.....
by: brad

Thanks, everyone. Getting though this is so difficult and knowing there are others here who understand and care is so comforting. My house is so quiet without his energy. It's a different kind of grief. They are dependent upon us for everything in their lives which is something we take seriously. My Mom's cat came to our house a year before I was born. He died when I was 22. Gretchen, a seal pt who chose me when I was a little four year old lived fourteen years. They had long lives. There were some strays we took in when I was a kid but there isn't that connection of a cat choosing you. I guess, I can't stop feeling responsible for his short life. Yeah, I know: nothing I could do. It still doesn't stop that gut feeling of letting him down when he asked for help and I know he did ask. This is something I will live with as a lesson of life. I will pay way more attention to people and animals when there seems to be a hint of distress. As a guy, and as part of my work, I'm always in "fix it" mode. There's nothing I can do to fix this. All I can do in the future is try to prevent something like this form happening. He twitched and growled in his sleep. I didn't know that he could have had mini seizures. I believe he was. He did this frequently. If I'd told my vet, and it was a brain tumor, who knows. But, there is no way I'd let him go through that minute of torture. He was in pain and he was afraid. That will haunt me. Everyone, please take care of your buddies and don't miss a check up or, like me from here on, be hyper aware. No living being should go through what Bubba went through. I love you all for being here and your helpful, kind words. I can't tell you what it means. In a few months, I'll see if I can't find a new owner. Thanks again

Jul 04, 2013
by: Anonymous

Ps. I said Ned but meant Bubba. Mea culpa.

He sounds like a once in a lifetime soul cat. Others will come and go, but you will always have a soul-to-soul connection with that precious Blue Point, Bubba.

I believe there is something very special about Blue Point Siamese cats, and especially males. There is a genetic mutation that makes the blue color, which is a muted version of seal. I know first hand they are very hard to find. And they are special beyond what's explainable. All of that leads me to believe Blue Points are the "old souls" of the Siamese breed. They connect deeply and intensely with their people.

You had the rare blessing of being loved by a Blue Point. Very few people have that experience.

Relish your blessing and know we're all thinking of you as you heal through this loss.

Jul 03, 2013
So Sorry
by: Mei's Mom

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what I'll do when the time comes for me to lose my friends, I have three, two cats and one dog. I have already lost a friend so I know how you feel. It was a dog rather than a cat and I was home from work when she passed away so I also understand that also.

Bubba was blessed to have you as a friend. I hope you'll some day have it in your heart to make a new friend and you'll be making another being as happy as you made Bubba. You were lucky to have found each other.

I feel so sad for you but even though I don't know you, I do know that you have a good heart and another friend will come.

Jul 03, 2013
My heart goes out to you
by: My2wins

I too loved a blue point Siamese with all my heart. He lived to 21 and I still mourn him daily. He's been gone for over 19 years.

I feel for you. It took me 15 years to open my heart and get another kitten. That was 2 years ago and every day has been pure joy. I ended up getting two kittens, by pure accident. The joy they bring me is inexplicable. The one thing I wish I did is to not wait.

A new kitten will never replace the deep love you have for Ned. He sounds like a soul cat, and they are few and far between.

If you google "Siamese rescue" you will find many places to locate another Siamese in your area. You will save a little life and honor Ned's memory. You might even consider searching for an 8 or 9 year old beauty who has been lost and needs a loving home. So few people open up their hearts to an adult cat, yet there are other soul cats just waiting for a person to love them.

Hope you find comfort soon, and know our hearts are with you as you manage through this time.

Jul 03, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss.
by: angelina diantonio

I am crying my eyes and heart out with you!!!! First,I need to say I lost my little loves also and the pain is horrible.Twin sisters who saved my life many times over.I miss them every second of the day but know they are playing beside me as we speak but without pain.Second,so many cats are in shelters that need us.Please do not rescue another cat because of the pain.Trust me the cat will save you a million times over. If you get a chance read my story.Also look at : http://va.siameserescue.org/webbuild.php?type=adoptme&page=7&state= . Look at Petfinder.com also. You just put in Siamese and you will find what you are looking for.So many cats and kittens need great homes and are waiting!!!!Here is my story if you get a chance: https://www.we-are-siamese.com/my-cat-journey-.html

Jul 03, 2013
Your Loss
by: Susan

Brad, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing you life and love with Bubba. He sounds like a truly special friend. This makes me appreciate my little girl, Roxy, even more.

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